Life.101 (Part 7)

A Life of Submission (Part 3)
1 Peter 3:1-7

The theme of 1 Peter is living godly lives in the midst of difficult circumstances with the goal of making a positive impact on unbelievers. Peter writes in 2:12, “Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.”

Peter writes that the key to living this kind of live is being submissive (living under the order)—in society (2:13-18), in the workplace (2:18-25), and in marriage (3:1-7). The concept of submission is extremely unpopular. Why does talk of submission rub us the wrong way? At the very center of our sinful nature is the deep desire to go our own way, to do our own thing, to be “number one.”

Peter’s purpose for his instructions for husbands and wives is evangelistic.

THE BIG IDEA: Believers are to give Christ a good name by the way they live as husbands and wives.

Three marriage truths:

· Men and women are equal but different.

“There is neither…male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28).

Those who believe that the NT is demeaning to women need to realize that nothing has done more to raise the status of women than Christianity. Think about the nations in which women enjoy the most rights (Canada, U.S.A., Australia, etc.). These are the nations that have been influenced the most by Christianity. By the way, it’s significant that Peter writes directly to women in this letter (highly unusual in that day).

Being equal does not mean being exactly the same. God has created men and women differently and has given them different roles in marriage.

Gary Smalley: “I would venture to say that most marital difficulties center around one fact—men and women are TOTALLY different. The differences (emotional, mental, and physical) are so extreme that without a concentrated effort to understand them, it is nearly impossible to have a happy marriage (If I Only Knew, p. 17).

· God intends there to be mutual submission in a marriage.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21).

· The priority of a marriage should be love, not submission.

Scott McKnight: “It is my firm conviction that we have placed the wrong emphasis on the word’ ‘submission’; we have also been preoccupied with ‘what we can do’ and ‘what our right are,’ whereas the biblical injunction is that the wife ought to give her life to her husband, ‘to serve and cherish him,’ and the husband ought to lay down his life for his wife. Thus, when the Christian wife is seeking to love her husband with her whole being and the husband is seeking to love his wife with his whole being, the issue of submission never emerges.”

1. A wife is to submit to the leadership of her husband.

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands…” (v. 1a).

Important: A wife’s submission is directed only to her husband, not to all men (“be submissive to your husbands”).

Clarification: The order of our society is much different than the order of first century society. In the past, the husband was the provider and protector, and the wife was the helper and supporter. Today, many wives earn more money than their husbands. So submission today looks different than submission in that day. (Of course, we shouldn’t compromise the guidelines God has given for marriage.) For example, verse 6 says that Sarah called Abraham “master.” I don’t think Marsha would appreciate me telling her to call me “master”! And it wouldn’t be a good witness to unbelievers.

Why are six verses addressed to wives and only one to husbands? Peter doesn’t think that women need more instruction than men. Remember the context. The theme is godly living in the midst of difficult circumstances. In Peter’s day, the lives of women were much more difficult the lives of men—especially Christian women who were married to unbelievers (which was the case for many of Peter’s readers). In Greco-Roman society it was expected that the wife would have no friends of her own and would worship the gods of her husband.

· The very fact that a woman would adopt any religion other than her husband’s violated the Greco-Roman ideal of an orderly home.

· The husband and society would perceive the wife’s worship of Jesus Christ as rebellion. If the wife persisted in her new religion to the extent that others outside the household learned of it, the husband would also feel embarrassment and suffer criticism for not properly managing his household. This could seriously damage his social standing, even to the point of disqualifying him for certain honors and offices.

· The wife’s attendance at Christian worship would provide the opportunity for her to have fellowship with other Christians who possibly were not her husband’s friends.

Peter is addressing women who are married to unbelievers. What should a woman do to “win over” her husband?

a. Win him over by your lifestyle, not your words.

“…so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives” (vv. 1-2).

Peter is saying, “If your husband rejects “the Word,” you must commit yourself to winning him without “a word” (of your own).” This nonverbal approach was especially appropriate in Peter’s day since husbands were often significantly older than their wives (the Roman ideal was a man of thirty marrying a woman of fifteen), as well as better educated, this nonverbal approach to evangelism was appropriate. (This does not mean that a Christian wife should never speak to her husband about the gospel.)

Peter is discouraging wives from continually nagging their husbands about their spiritual condition. Nagging usually drives people further away. You can’t nag a man into the kingdom of God.

Submission is not:
· Agreeeing with every crazy thing your husband says. Peter is writing to wives who do not agree with their husbands about Christ.
· Leaving your brain at the wedding altar. Peter is writing to wives that had thought for themselves: They had accepted the gospel even though their husbands had rejected it.
· Avoiding to change your husband. The whole point of this passage is to tell wives how to change their husbands minds about the gospel.
· Putting the will of your husband before the will of Christ.
· Acting out of fear.

b. Win him over by your inner beauty.

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (vv. 3-4).

Peter is not saying that a woman shouldn’t braid her hair or wear gold jewelry. He certainly isn’t prohibiting women from wearing clothes! The NIV says “the wearing of…fine clothes, but “fine” has been added by the translators. The KJV says “putting on of apparel.” Peter is talking about the values: Women should value internal virtue above external appearance.

This doesn’t mean that should disregard their physical appearance. The Bible often speaks positively about a woman’s beauty. For example, Sarah (who is mentioned in verse 6 as a good example for Christian women) is described in Genesis 12:14 as “a very beautiful woman.” But the best kind of beauty is inner beauty. Not only will a husband find inner beauty attractive, but so will God. Peters says inner beauty “is of great worth in God’s sight.”

“The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

Peter describes inner beauty as “the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.” The original Greek words for “gentle” and “quiet” mean selfless and peaceable. (So it doesn’t mean that a woman can never speak!) This kind of beauty is “unfading.” It doesn’t need plastic surgery. William Barclay describes it as “a beauty that the years cannot wither.”

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30).

Physical beauty is overrated. Actress Halle Berry, one of People magazines 50 most beautiful people, once said, “Let me tell you something—being thought of as ‘a beautiful woman’ has spared me nothing in life. No heartache, no trouble. Love has been difficult. Beauty is essentially meaningless and it is always transitory.”

Sarah, a Super Model

Women often try to be like models they see in magazines. (By the way, those models don’t look half as beautiful in real life.) Peter gives Christian women a model to emulate: Sarah.

“For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear” (vv. 5-6).

Peter is not saying that women should call their husbands “master”! It was a common expression in that day. Today it would be similar to saying “my dear husband.” It’s interesting that the book of Genesis records Abraham obeying Sarah three times (16:2, 6; 21:12). God even told Abraham on one of those occasions, “Listen to whatever Sarah tells you” (21:12). Cleary, Sarah was not Abraham’s slave!

The only time in the OT that Sarah calls Abraham “master” is found in Genesis 18:12. “Then the Lord said, ‘I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.’ Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, ‘After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?’” (Genesis 18:10-12).

How did Sarah practice submission on that occasion? Well, at first she doubted the promise of God. But eventually she did believe. When Abraham told her they should keep trying to having a baby, she agreed (even though it was physically impossible for her to have a son at her age).

2. A husband is to submit to the needs of his wife.

a. Be loving, caring, sensitive, and understanding.

“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives” (v. 7a).

Men strut around thinking that what a woman wants is a strong man or a successful man who drives fancy cars and wears flashy suits. What a woman really wants is a husband who understands her and loves her. A wife responds to a husband who showers all of his attention on her all the time, not just when he wants something.

b. Don’t physically intimidate or abuse your wife.

“And treat them with respect as the weaker partner” (v. 7b).

The popular thinking in Peter’s day was that women were mentally and morally weaker than men. But the weakness that Paul is talking about is physical weakness. Generally, a husband is physically stronger than his wife. She is in a vulnerable position (especially back in the first century when women weren’t protected by the law like they are today). A husband is to respect his wife and not force her to do anything. I can’t think of much that would do more harm to the reputation of Christianity than that. (By the way, I don’t believe that this passage is saying that a woman should stay in a marriage in which physical abuse is taking place.)

c. Treat your wife as an equal.

“Treat them with respect…as heirs of the gracious gift of life” (v. 7c).

Woman was created from the rib of a man.
She was not made from his head to top him,
Nor out of his feet to be trampled upon.
But out of his side to be equal to him,
Under his arm to be protected,
And near his heart to be loved.

WHY? “So that nothing will hinder your prayers” (v. 7d).

Sin hinders our prayers (cf. 3:10-12; 4:7). Jesus taught, “If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgiven men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15).

Peter may be referring to the OT teaching that God is the protector of the weak (see Deuteronomy 10:18; Psalm 68:5; 146:9; Jeremiah 49:11; Malachi 3:5). God will not hear the prayers of one who is taking advantage of the vulnerability of his wife.

Wayne Grudem: “So concerned is God that Christian husbands live in an understanding and loving way with their wives, that He ‘interrupts’ His relationship with them when they are not doing so. No Christian husband should presume to think that any spiritual good will be accomplished by his life without an effective ministry of prayer. And no husband may expect an effective prayer life unless he lives with his wife ‘in an understanding way, bestowing honor’ on her.”

What is God saying to all of us in this passage? The key lies in a phrase repeated in verses 1 and 7—“in the same way.” What Peter says to wives in verse 1, he says to husbands in verse 7. The phrase “in the same way” pushes us back to the closing verses of chapter 2 where Paul calls all believers to follow the steps of Jesus. We all find ourselves in difficult circumstances we cannot easily change. How will we respond? With anger, complaining, bitterness, despair? No one was ever more mistreated than Jesus. Yet He did not attack those who mocked Him, nor did He curse at those who cursed at Him. Instead, He “entrusted himself to whim who judges justly” (2:23). That’s the equivalent of “holy women of the past who put their hope in God” (3:5).

Submission isn’t about you or your spouse. Submission is about you and God. To say that Jesus “entrusted” Himself to God and to say that holy women of old “hoped” in God means the same thing as saying they submitted themselves to God. Even while dying, Jesus had a gentle and quiet spirit. He hoped in God. And through His submission to His Heavenly Father, He became our Savior (adapted from a sermon by Ray Pritchard).

Here is what God is saying to us today:
· Wives, be like Jesus.
· Husbands, be like Jesus.
· Christians, be like Jesus.